Just counting coins, dropping them as my life ends. The pain unbearable.

BlogBlogBlogBlog. Hello Blog. :)

Title is gay, I just didn't know what to put. Saying "my life ends" is metaphoric btw. :)

So yes, I am actually counting coins. I have a giant cola bottle, which every year i fill with coins for the fair. I usually get £30 ish. Which is mighty fine :).
That leads me onto the next topic of the fair, i love the fair. I love the lights, noises and the smells. It is my favorite time of year. Everyone seems to come together. Just for a night. Just to have fun. I love how every yea the rides get bigger, increasing the thrill, increasing the adrenaline rush. Everyone pushing them selves, just for one more ride. It couldn't be painted, imagined or written any better than it is to the eye. Nothing in the world could describe the overwhelming happiness a person feels walking up. The lights filling the sky, creating multi colored stars. The music all cashing, become just a distant blur behind the laughing, screaming, talking that everyone experiences. The smell of the foods hitting you, everyone seems as good as the next. Everyone is happy. For that week and that week only, i feel completely whole. I feel completely happy.

Recently, i guess things have been getting to me a bit much. School increasing drives me to a point of just curling up and crying, wondering why it's so hard. Wondering why i can't do it. Why it has the painful ability to do this i don't know. I guess it's all every pressed now. In the final year. Coursework lingers in my mind, making me unable to sleep. I will give up on graphics this year, as that stresses me so much. It makes me unhappy, I don't want to risk happiness for a G.C.S.E. It's just all a bit too full on at school, it's like this is a deciding point in your life, and even if your not ready, you will be thrusted into it. It will all be on top of you. Ready for it it shouldn't be an issue. I was never ready. My reality is making decisions that i don't wish to make. College is not what i want, and going there don't enthrall me as it does others. It scares me, as I don't want to make the important decisions yet. I don't want to make a wrong one. I still feel so young, so unready. I realize it won't just be me in this position. But it does make me feel alone.

Okay so i have been thinking about this picture alot recently. Why i don't know, i just like it.
There is my blog, my feelings, my heart in words. Please don't shoot me down.

I love you all.